A Star is Born (& The Medicine of Motherhood)

8/8 - the peak of the Lion’s Gate, is a day of personal significance to me. 9 years ago on this very day, I was 9 months pregnant and very much ready to give birth. My partner and I were sitting and chatting away on the verandah. I remember vividly the sweet and heady scent of jasmine and the warmth of the late Winter sun. He made a joke about something and I laughed so hard my waters broke. Ooops. There is a whole story here about the long hours that followed in the lead-up to the birth of our beautiful son, Wynton, which I will write about at another time. What I wanted to write about today is Wynton and the journey of Motherhood.

9 years. Wow, they go fast. And slow at the same time.

Wynton burst into the world like a flaming sun. Not kidding. From the moment he was born, this being has been like a lion on fire. He’s feisty, he’s bold, and his heart is pure and radiant gold. This kid has stuff to do! He is literally pulsing with an insatiable lust for life.

I believe that Motherhood is equal parts love and grief. Wyn’s energy was streaming into the world at the same time my own mother’s was leaving. My beloved mum was already half in this world and half in another. She had motor-neuron disease (MND), and though she lived until Wyn was 2, so much of her incredible energy had already diminished and she was struggling to walk even when Wyn was a baby. And yet, Wyn came into this world and it was as though he was infused with the essence of my mum that had already left the Earthly realms. They are so alike.

I often thank my son for being my best teacher, acknowledging and reminding him of the incredible transformation that has been possible because of him. My journey as a mother - and through the archetype of The Mother - has not been an easy one, for so many reasons. I won’t go into all these here. I’m not sure motherhood is ever easy (is it?), but I think for some of us it is our greatest opportunity for deepest healing and transformation. Total soul purification. Initiation by fire. And from the moment Wynton was conceived, he was not going to take no for an answer when it came to me ‘answering the call’.

The journey of Motherhood has transformed me and transforms me still. It has not been the journey I ever imagined I would have. I thought motherhood for me would be a cinch. Wrong. I thought I knew what kind of mother I was going to be. Totally and utterly wrong. Wyn has molded and shaped me, sometimes in the most uncomfortable and mindblowing ways, so that I can be the mother I need to be for him. And so that I can be who I am, for me.

Being Wyn’s mother has turned me inside out, many times over. It has razed my perception of reality to the ground. Woken me up to parts of myself that would otherwise have remained asleep my whole life. My journey of motherhood has brought me to my knees in grief, exhaustion and whole-being tormented struggle. It has forced me to wrestle with the deepest, darkest, trickiest, stickiest parts of my Self and learn to love them. It has taught me to forgive everything. How to soften and lean in. How to sit with uncertainty, chilling fear and excruciating pain, in order to discover and reveal the softer layers of luminous living energy underneath. It has opened my heart so wide that it felt as though it could hold the world.

It has also been a major catalyst for my journey into the healing work that I do.

Over the past 9 years with Wyn, I have learnt the most valuable thing of all - how to be in love with all of life. And this is now at the heart of my work. Healing is not about fixing everything and making the painful and challenging things go away so that everything can be easy and light. Healing is about coming to a place within ourselves where we can hold all of it, all at once, and become the ‘total owners of joy’. This is the heart of Sowelu, the soul medicine I offer in service and gratitude for my own personal journey of healing and transformation.

There are no words to express the gratitude I have for my son, for this being who chose me! I simply wish him the happiest 9th birthday. It feels like the end of a cycle while new beginnings have already begun…and who knows where it will take us…but - as Mary Poppins says - “we’re going on an adventure, so best not spoil it by asking too many questions”.

I love you Wyn. I am so honoured to walk in this life together with you.

Mama xx